The Joy of Saying No
Disclaimer: I am not a professional advisor. Nothing in this post should be used as professional advice. I am simply sharing my personal experience and what I have observed in regards to wellness. Please contact a professional advisor if you are in need of further advice.
Oh The Joy
There are times in all of our lives where we can start to feel extremely overwhelmed and stressed out, yet still feel obligated to fulfill everyone else’s needs. It is important to take a step back every once in awhile, analyze if you are taking the time to focus on yourself and fulfilling your own needs first and foremost. Making your mental health a top priority has become more normalized in our modern society, and we should take advantage of it. It is okay to turn down a night out with your friends or opt out of a girls trip this one time. It is more valuable to do the things that make you feel the happiest and most at peace, even if that means telling people no. Let me tell you why!
People Pleasers Unite
Saying no to our loved ones can make us feel extremely guilty. If you’re like me, you want to please people every chance that you get. News flash! Its just not possible 100% of the time. As you get older, you come to the unfortunate realization that you aren’t going to be able to please everyone around you simultaneously. Although it is important to be a kind and supportive friend, family member and/or partner, that doesn’t always mean saying yes to them. (especially if its at your own expense) Building and maintaining relationships with the people in your life can be tricky. It is totally normal to want to put them first and put their needs before your own. However, you can’t fill someone else’s cup if your cup is empty. This means that neglecting your own needs and lacking on your self care will only lead to neglecting others and not being capable of taking care of them, too. We must take care and love of ourselves before we can take care and love those around us!
Setting Boundaries
Establishing healthy boundaries can help to grant you a guilt-free conscious. “The Joy of Saying No” doesn’t come from saying no all day everyday. It comes with saying no out of conscious awareness and self respect, which can help you to align yourself with your own needs and values. If you are unsure what needs and values you have, start by making a list. Here are examples:
Practice Daily Self Care Routine
Save $400 a month
No TV past 10pm
Eat at home 5 days a week
Get to bed by 11pm daily
Spend time with family
No late night treats
No alcohol on work nights
Go to church often
Be Active Daily
Even if these don’t align with your specific needs and values, hopefully this gives you a better idea of whats important and can help you figure our what ultimately is a “dealbreaker” for you. If saying no to that late night ice cream cone aligns with your rule of “no late night treats” that you established for yourself, you are simply putting your needs first. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Worry Less
As you adjust to each and every phase of life that you are in, its essential that you stay true to who you are and are always reevaluating your wants and needs out of life. Sometimes we are so busy that saying yes to everyone will cause us to spread ourselves too thin. If you worry that saying no will upset someone, explain your thought process and WHY you are saying no. Most of the time we build up stress within our minds by overthinking the situation rather than just simply communicating our thoughts. Offering an alternative plan or a raincheck for a different day is always an option if you are still worried about hurting someones feelings. Saying “no” should not be stressful, but when we chose to do it, it should bring us joy!
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